I Hate Everything About You
by Lavender Youko
Summary: A Rikucentered fic. Songfic to I Hate Everything About You. Riku is alone in his a room, remembering the pain that Ansem brought him..as he begins to see that he will never escape the hold of his former master. Rated for slight language Riku's insanity.


_I Hate Everything About You..._

A Kingdom Hearts ficlet by Lavender Youko

Notes:

Short, sweet, to the point. Suggested yaoi, abuse... uh, angst? Yeah, lots of that. It is basically Riku sitting alone thinking in his room, all by himself, remembering things he wish he couldn't.

Feel free to let me know if you want it continued. I'm in the mood to do so. :)

Song copyright Three Days Grace. Riku and Ansem copyright Square Enix and Disney.

--

_"Every time we lie awake_

_After every hit we take_

_Every feeling that I get_

_But I haven't missed you yet."_

_Intense pain. Searing ecstasy. Confused emotions. Broken heart._

"Ansem..." the silver-haired boy whispered into the darkness. "...why can't I just forget about you and live happily with Sora? Go on with my life?" He shifted his gaze downward. Agony filled his mind as the shadows on his walls danced in an eerie manner, striking the corners with a low cast. It reminded him of something...

The images of the trees outside swayed in the wind, the thunderstorm visible in the window showing no signs of stopping.

_Hatred... filling me..._

"Damn you..." Riku looked up, watching the moon shine dully upon him as if to mock his loneliness. Though it was just him and the moon, the serenity he should've felt was no longer there.

Memories began to flow through him slowly, beginning at the very starting point of the story...

_Strong voice. Warm hands. Gentle words. Kind of like the way sin always looks before you find out the truth._

He stood, moving soundlessly to the bed where his wonderful Sora should be. His light. His savior. Gone forever as long as the door remained still.

"Order me to harm my closest friends, tell me that I am doing no wrong," he hissed venomously, ripping the pillow from the bedspread and throwing it in a random direction. It collided sharply with a glass lamp, sending it crashing to the floor, breaking instantly.

Riku paused, staring at the shards.

"Fragile like glass... fragile like me, huh?!" He tore at his hair. "Get out of MY HEAD!" he cried pathetically, tears falling freely. "I hate you, Ansem!! Can you hear me?!"

_Then... why do I love him...?_

His eyes went back to the shattered lamp.

"That's kinda how my mind and heart feel right now, thanks to you." His tone was bitingly sarcastic.

The closer he got to the scraps of glass, the clearer was his reflection. He dipped his head low, life flashing in the confines of the destroyed furniture.

Ansem was walking up to him in his sleep, vile in hand. The dark lord stopped beside the bed, kneeling so he was eye level with his unconscious doll.

_"Every roommate kept awake_

_By every sigh and scream we make_

_All the feelings that I get_

_But I still don't miss you yet"_

"Riku...."

The sleeping boy stirred in his rest, murmuring softly at the disturbance. One lazy eye slid open, studying the being before him.

"Whaddya want, Ansem?" he asked dully, yawning and stretching.

The tanned one smiled. "To give you medicine for your headache. I told you, I always take good care of my playthings," he explained while twisting the cap off, patiently forcing the tip into Riku's unwilling mouth.

With a reflexive gag, the aqua-eyed boy turned his head away and spitting out the horrid flavored liquid.

_This isn't even close to the hatred I feel now..._

_"Only when I stop to think about it..."_

"Riku, listen to me for once!" One strong hand went around his struggling slave's neck to grip his hair tightly and force him to put his mouth back to it. "You are on hangover. Drink this and you will feel better. I'll not have you suffer any more than you must."

With an angry snort, he submissively relaxed. The slimy, bitter liquid rolled down his throat with no more resistance, other than short, guttural noises that issued quietly in an annoyed rhythm.

"There, there, love. Just get a good night's sleep and I'll see you in the morning."

Another flash.

It was a dark room, like the one he was in now...

A scream spilt the air, jolting Riku from his previously calm state. It was not a scream of pain, though, more like one of pleasure...

Riku blinked hard, trying desperately not to recognize what was going on.

_"I hate everything about you_

_Why do I love you_

_I hate everything about you_

_Why do I love you"_

"That's right, slave. Cry it out," a low voice spoke commandingly.

"Uhn!" was the reply. His reply, he admitted ashamedly. He opened his eyes, afraid to see what he already knew was happening. It was the night he lost all of his innocence to the darkness of his own greed and lust.

The formerly pure Riku lay beneath Ansem in a surrendered position, allowing his master to fully dominate him. He was panting for breath, begging to be taken harder as darkness swiftly pierced him to his being.

Tears reformed, blurring his vision. He redirected his line of sight to the clock, noting absently that it was twelve thirty. His terrorous memory faded to the floor, leaving him alone once more.

_"Every time we lie awake_

_After every hit we take_

_Every feeling that I get_

_But I haven't missed you yet"_

"You must be really proud of yourself... raping a fifteen year old teenager."

_Oh, but was it truly rape...?_

_Of course it was!_

He lay back down on the bed, eyes locked on the ceiling uncomfortably. Everything felt out of place now. Riku sighed, wishing with all his frustration that he had never wanted to leave the safety of the island. That he had never wanted to leave the safety of his best friend's arms. The sorrow returned at the mere thought of Sora.

"Sora..."

_"Only when I stop to think about it..."_

_I betrayed him. I beat him down and called him the traitor. I am pathetic._

His eyes fell shut.

_I am such a traitor. A weak traitor, at that._

Suddenly, a deep voice cut through his self-hating singsong.

"Riku......"

He jolted upwards, eyes wide as he glanced around frantically.

"Settle down, love."

He fixated his body to face toward the window again, an uneasy calmness surrounding him as he breathed out slowly.

_"I hate everything about you_

_Why do I love you_

_I hate everything about you_

_Why do I love you"_

"...Ansem."

"How are you?" Though more of a statement than a question, Riku obliged, grinning.

"Dandy. as. hell."

"I figured, my pet."

Riku whirled around, fist striking naught but thin air. It had been his imagination all along?...

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!"

_He will never leave my mind. I am still trapped._

_"Only when I stop to think about you I know_

_Only when you stop to think about me do you know"_

He shifted from his fighting stance to notice that his punch had been directed at a mirror... a mirror that held his puppeteer's forbidden image. Horror crossed his features before he quickly rammed his hand into the frame, hard.

Just as the lamp, it fell to a million pieces at his feet, blood from his many new cuts, following their path. In all of the bits of mirror, his hateful gaze returned unwavering.

"He will never just get the hell away from me. I'll just have to seek peace from this in sleep. If nightmares don't find me first."

_How ironic. If I'm not awake with his form haunting me, I'm asleep with him in my dreams. I guess he still does own me._

_"I hate everything about you_

_Why do I love you_

_You hate everything about me_

_Why do you love me"_

Riku shrugged the feeling off, setting his alarm for eight as he crawled, exhausted, into the sheets, praying dreams would never locate him.

Outside his room in the rolling trees, the very object of his fear, his hatred, and his love stood observing silently as the one he hurt tossed fitfully in his torturous nightmares, smirking to himself as he plotted his severe revenge on the lost boy.

"You'll be mine again, just you wait, Riku..."

_"I hate..._

_You hate..._

_I hate..._

_You love me"_

--Fin

Hehe, done for now, unless it wants to be more than just a one-shot. I seriously think that Riku needs therapy, what about you? oO Hell yeah! Anyway, this only took two nights' worth of typing, though my plot kinda died towards the end. I don't mind though; Three Days Grace rocks! plays electric guitar See ya next time!

Oh, and I would like a beta reader for my future and current fics. I need someone who doesn't mind editing yaoi lemons or fics that can be somewhat lengthy. This fic may require some editing as well... Anyone up for the job? I can't pay you, but you get to see them before anyone else and you get to make suggestions for how they turn out! :9

Ah, review pleasie?nn Arigatou!

_"I hate everything about you_

_Why do I love you_

_I hate everything about you_

_Why do I love you"_


End file.
